It May Not Happen Worldwide in Your Lifetime: Brave Steps Towards Community

Never did I imagine that the words: “Carol, you have permission to put Grayson’s disability on the back-burner” would be such a life changer, and not just for Grayson but for me, Briella, Charlie…our entire family, but here we are.  Along the way we (as a family) discovered so much about our own gifts and passions, and because we discovered all these cool things about each other and those around us, we began finding ways to share those gifts not just with each other but in our community.  And we have done some pretty cool things and met some really cool people.  But I won’t lie, it’s a process and it did not happen overnight. 

It was not easy at all, taking that first step towards meeting new people in our community, but for us as a family it was vital in making a good life for Grayson.  It is fun to think about the fact that when I first met Tim (my mentor/colleague, who introduced me to the concept of building community), I pushed back and more or less tried to call BS. But well, if you haven’t caught it yet, I lost that pushback and here I am - an irrationally passionate about all things family, community connections, and John McKnight-related, kinda person. 

One of the gifts I discovered along the way was my ability to see different perspectives, and because I am a people person I am always up for good conversation!  So, as I shift gears here, I want to share a quote from a mother and Starfire Board member, said during a conversation we were having around the vision of building the most inclusive world possible. This quote really inspired this moment of reflection for me…

“It may not happen worldwide in your lifetime Carol but it’s certainly happening now in Hamilton, and y’all did that.” 

~Kathleen Cail

This ah-ha came on top of the last two “Wednesday Walks” in my neighborhood, where I had been sharing bits and pieces of my work and family story with Byran, a fellow neighbor.  If you know me, you know that I could talk about family, community, and connections all day long… it’s that irrational passion I mentioned. 

Anyway, it got me thinking, that first step towards something a little more…a brave step towards meeting a neighbor or someone new in your community can be hard…scary in fact, and sometimes people just aren’t sure where to begin.  Sometimes, people don’t recognize that what they are doing actually is building a more inclusive community, helping others lead a good life, and helping them have a sense of belonging. 

I was posed with the question a few weeks ago, “What can I do, Carol, as a citizen?” The short answer, and for me the most important is: get to know your neighbors, get to know people in your community.  The long answer is a fun little list of ideas with some amazing people/stories behind them, this list is a tip of my hat to those amazing people and are just some fun things to get you thinking about what you (and your family) can do to start meeting new people in your neighborhood/community.

Here is that list!

·       Walk around your neighborhood…smile, nod, wave, say hello, or simply walk…become a regular

·       Visit the local shops- even window shopping can lead to meeting new people!

·       Walk around the “town square” and notice the history.  Does your town have flood markers? Time capsule? Any cool legends?

·       Compliment someone on their yard, their flowers, yard decorations

·       Share sidewalk chalk with friends, neighbors, people who pass by

·       Share your sidewalk chalk art with others- decorate random squares around your neighborhood

·       Connect with the local neighborhood/community volunteer group if your community has one- find and connect with people who are working to make their community a better place

·       Organize something fun…front yard splash party, bubble party, porch concerts, truck concerts

·       Learn a new skill at the park, invite others to join

·       Paint rocks with someone and hide them around town

·       Bring up your neighbor’s trash cans…this can be so helpful sometimes

·       Hold a monthly bonfire in your driveway…invite neighbors

·       Make a talking piece in your yard…a fairy garden, vegetable garden in the front, wildflowers- conversations starters lead to great things. 

·       Gather neighbors and start a community garden

·       Hold a monthly potluck

·       Share vegetables, goodies, things like that

·       Pick up the trash around your street, block, or go even bigger with the neighborhood- ask people to join you

·       Find ways to share your gifts, art, music, fixing things, technology

·       Connect with others who share your passion: birds, games, art, history, plants…community is not just limited to physical space

·       Learn something new from someone you know

·       Teach someone you know something new

·        Have virtual coffee- with a friend, an acquaintance, someone you just met

·        Listen to a local storyteller/musician

·       Tell a story to your family, a friend, or over zoom with a group of friends

·        Take a walk with someone

·       Share flowers/plants

·       ___________________your idea here

First steps are scary, but if I have learned anything over the last three years, it is that we are better together.  COVID-19 has certainly thrown us all for a loop, but it has not changed the fact that we need one another. 

While everything in our world is telling us to lean out rather than lean in, I challenge each of you to think about ways you can lean in, maybe meet someone new, or discover your gift, maybe it’s simply dreaming about what you and your family will do when we reemerge from this, or maybe, just maybe something inspired you from this list. 

Sure, maybe movie night in the park may not be something we can safely do right now, but we certainly can plan for when it is safe.  Maybe potlucks are out but, what you could do is swap recipes with neighbors or try new dishes with your family for when potlucks are back in. 

I dream of a world that is inclusive, a world where everyone is seen for their gifts and abilities not labels and what is “wrong.”  I truly believe we are on the right track, each day I meet new people who share this vision with me, and what I have noticed more and more is it’s not just families that have loved ones with disabilities working to build connections, its people all over, from all backgrounds working to build connections and grow a good life, keep doing this friends and keep doing great things!